Lovebugs
by Darkest-Doctor
Summary: Sunstreaker and Sideswipe discover a lesser known fact about a particular Earth insect. Mild slash mentioned.


Okay, I know a bunch of you (specifically eyeing** risky revenge **[previously **Just A Reidbear**, because the sodding maniac made me EDIT HER NAME] here) have asked for a sequel to _Phobia_, the next oneshot in _Point and Match_, or the next chapter of _101 Ways to Ruin Your Dignity_. This story is none of these. XD  
Sorry, but I've been utterly bombed in college and I need to finish the catch-up I have to do on_ Doctor Who_ and _Storm Hawks_ in general before I can relocate all those precious ideas I once had. Sorry folks!  
But if you've been on the up-and-up on my personal life lately, you're already aware of how crazy I've become over Transformers (:D).

I've been dying to write a fic for this fandom for over a year and **DarlingTinaSheep**, everliving muse of my life,is entirely responsible for this travesty. She was complaing about how the lovebugs were swarming so badly in Florida this time of year and that they have a mildly acidic body that eats away at untreated paintjobs. My first thought was: poor car. My second thought was: OH MY GOD SUNSTREAKER!  
After two days of frantic writing, this is the result. ^_^

Also, if you haven't read it yet, go read **Black Dragon Queen's **Transformer fanfic, _Cover Me_. It's bloody epic, updates every day, and is ridiculously fantastic. It's responsible for the mentioning of the cactus and I cannot begin to describe just how awesome it really is. (shamelessly ushers the readers towards _Cover Me_)

Summary: Sunstreaker and Sideswipe discover a lesser known fact about a particular Earth insect. Mild slash mentioned.  
Rating: T for the Language and the Awesome  
Pairings: None; Prowl/Jazz vaguely mentioned  
Universe: Generation 1  
Disclaimer: Oh man, do I _wish_ I owned Transformers....sadly, Michael Bay's been blowing them up instead. -_-

"....": normal talking  
_--italics--_: radio transmissions  
**--bold--**: (twin)bond speak

Lovebugs

You didn't have to be an Autobot to appreciate the vanity patented and practiced by Sunstreaker. He was legend among both factions, both for his exquisite appearance and the rampaging tantrums that resulted when his paintjob was so much as nicked. Despite his over cautious nature regarding his yellow coat, Sunstreaker took as many opportunities as he could to show it off to his "adoring public", mainly consisting of humans swarming his sporty alt mode or Seekers unwilling dragged into a session of Jet Judo.

Naturally, when word went around the Ark that Optimus required a few mechs to go and investigate possible Decepticon activity in Florida, Sunsteaker was first to dash into the Prime's office demanding assignment. However, in his haste, he had managed to bowl over Ironhide, Wheeljack, and Wheeljack's latest foray into weapons development. The resulting explosion left Optimus all too eager to let Sunstreaker out of the Ark for a few days, if merely to reduce the likelihood of another such disaster. Sunstreaker had been all to happy to agree—

--_Sunstreaker! If you do not slow down **right now**, I swear to Primus…--_

--_Lighten up, Prowlie! We're on vacation!--_

--_You too, Sideswipe!--_

_--Primus, you're such a downer, Prowl.--_

—until he discovered that Prowl was to be chaperoning.

_--It's not such a big deal anyway!--_ Sunstreaker continued, weaving in and out of traffic with little regard for the blaring horns left in his wake. _--Optimus said to scout for Decepticon activity. How are we going to do that if you've got that shaft up your tailpipe?--_

_--I beg your pardon?--_ Prowl growled, his alt mode's chassis visibly tightening. The red Lamborghini was quick to nudge the police cruiser, its front grill coming as close to smirking as it ever could.

_--Give him a break, Sunny,--_ Sideswipe teased, weaving expertly in the lanes until he was alongside his yellow twin. _--We both know that he had been planning to take today off. It's his first break in, what, eighteen solar cycles?-- _

_--Oh, how could I forget?--_ Sunstreaker's voice dripped sugar as he directed his attention back to Prowl. _--Jazz was supposed to take today off too. I wonder what he was going to do.--_

_--What Commander Jazz does in his spare time is not for you to wonder about while we're supposed to be on a mission.--_ There was a brief moment of blessed silence before Sideswipe whispered over the radio: _--I bet he was waiting for Prowlie with a warm cube of energon and a tow cable.-- _

"SIDESWIPE!" Prowl's shout, emitted out loud rather than over the radio frequency, startled a nearby driver into swerving, nearly clipping a truck in the second lane.

Cackling madly, the Lambo Twins made a quick escape by dodging around a semi, leaving a mortified Prowl stuck between two vans of screaming kids. It was a good five minutes before the Lambos, miles ahead of their stuffy keeper and the honking horns of raging drivers, found an off-ramp into Floridian suburbia.

**--Oooh, let's go to a strip mall!--** Sideswipe crowed, bouncing slightly on his tires as he shut down his radio in favor of their twin bond. **--I bet I can get more girls to stroke my hood than you!--**

**--Ew…they'll leave oil streaks on my paint!--** Sunstreaker complained loudly. **--Let's just find a nice quiet area where a bunch of people can gawk from their porches and—race you there, slowpoke!--** Sunstreaker gunned his engine, leaving his twin behind as he sped off towards the nearest shopping center.

"Hey, no fair!" Sideswipe squawked out loud, quick to chase after his brother. If anyone seemed to notice or care that two driverless Lamborghinis were racing along the roads, hooting with glee, no one made any movement to stop them.

~.~.~.~.~

It wasn't very long into their vain detour that a niggling problem was brought to Sunstreaker's attention. Florida seemed to be rife with tiny, strangely acting bugs. Not only were the tiny organics constantly rubbing against each other, they had the bad habit of congregating near the roadside. The first three impacts had been of little disregard, but Sunstreaker could hardly contain his cry of dismay as the gatherings of insects grew into enormous, thronging swarms that seemed to time their crossings of the road with his passing.

It wasn't very long before his glorious yellow paintjob was smeared with the fluids and wings of thousands of these swarming insects, windshield nearly invisible under the microscale gore. Sideswipe wasn't in any better state. Sunstreaker barely contained his narcissistic outrage with the sole fact that bugs were easy to wash off when given the proper care in the washracks.

**--Sunny?--** Sideswipe said, nudging his brother across their bond. He was rewarded with a wave of tense frustration. **--Maybe we should find Prowl again? We could all go through a nice carwash station and get these bugs off. What do you say?--**

**--I say we ditch Prowl and head for the wash anyway,--** Sunstreaker groused, trying not to let the pattering of more insect deaths ruin what was left of his good mood. **--This is not what I had in mind when I volunteered to go to Florida.--**

**--Yeah, I know. I didn't think that…hey Sunny, do you feel that?--**

**--Feel what, Sides?--** Sunstreaker snapped, quickly losing the thread of patience he never had.

**--That itching sensation?--** The red Lamborghini pulled off to the side of the road, shuddering slightly on his axels. "It's all over my chassis." Sunstreaker pulled up next to his twin, pausing for a moment.

**--Now that you mention it, I kind of do,--** the yellow twin muttered. **--Kind of like a burning sensation.--**

**--Like the acid rain back on Cybertron,--** Sideswipe supplied suddenly. **--Only more diluted!--**

**--Yeah, that's it!--** Sunstreaker replied. There was a very pregnant pause, in which Sunstreaker felt the tiniest roll of shock from Sideswipe's end of the bond.

The resulting shriek, both high-pitched and quite unmanly, caused an unfortunate SUV driver to make a hard left into a road divider.

~.~.~.~.~

Sunstreaker wasted no time in transforming the second he and Sideswipe had found an open stretch of land.

"Tell me I look alright!" he shouted, shaking his red twin by the shoulders desperately. "Tell me that the burning sensation is _not_ what I think it is!!" Sideswipe nudged at one of the insects plastered to his twin's chassis, flaking the tiny pest off with one scrape. Both sets of optics latched onto the patch where the insect had once been, an obvious discoloration present against the bright yellow paint.

There was a sudden moment in where all the planets aligned, Megatron felt happy, and Bluestreak fell inexplicably silent. In this second Sunstreaker's optics widened by a great fraction. The resulting scream echoing from his vocalizer was enough to throw the planets back out of order, encourage Megatron to shoot Astrotrain in the face for the hell of it, and thrust Bluestreak back into an hour long rant on cactus symmetry.

"SIDES GET THEM OFF GET THEM OFF GETTHEMOFF GETTHEMOFF_GETTHEMOFF_!!"

"I can't get them off if you keep flailing around like that!" Sideswipe protested, trying to restrain his frantic twin while attempting to brush away as many insect carcasses as he could reach. Three steps later and both of the Lamborghini twins tripped over a particularly uneven patch of land and were sent sprawling into one of the many tiny lakes Florida boasted. So distracted they were by the frenzied pest removal, they barely noticed the heady whine of jet turbines until Starscream landed next to their tiny lake of choice.

By this time, Sunstreaker was not only covered in the remains of thousands upon thousands of insects, but was also sporting grey patches where the acidic carcasses had eaten through his paintwork and long green stains from where he had been inadvertently dragged through the damp grasses. Soaked and screaming, Sunstreaker flailed inelegantly atop his twin, who was in no better condition as mud began to seep into his joints. As any good Decepticon would, Starscream was all too pleased to take the golden opportunity presented to him to humiliate his Autobot opponents before blasting them into oblivion.

"Hey Sunspot!" the Seeker jeered, announcing his presence with his overactive vocalizer better than any Mach speed could. "What's this, the filming of _Swamp Thing _One and Two? Looks like you have a couple chips in the paint there, Autobrat!"

There was an audible cracking sound, much like the sound Prowl's logic chips made when he made an attempt to watch _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ with Jazz, and then Sunstreaker pounced.

~.~.~.~.~

It had taken Prowl half an hour to find a suitable exit from the crowded highway, mainly thanks to a jack-knifed semi and the police officers who had assumed he was their backup. From there, it had taken Prowl a good five minutes to get a fix on the Lambos' signals and another thirty to finally reach their location. When he arrived, he wasn't sure whether to laugh hysterically or simply return to the Ark to save his circuits.

Sunstreaker was perched atop of Starscream's chassis, his glorious yellow paint spotted gratuitously with damages, with one hand flailing in the air behind him as the other was grinding something into the Seeker's face. Sideswipe, face plates blank with shock, was half-lying in a tiny lake, draped in long shreds of turf and sporting the same discolorations as his twin. The unfortunate Seeker pinned beneath the raging Lamborghini was shrieking, every bit true to his name, and making valiant attempts to dislodge the Autobot soldier. He wasn't making much headway, as far as Prowl could tell.

Quite possibly the most absurd part of this violent tableau was the pair of humans perched on a hill to Prowl's left, passing back and forth a bag of popcorn as though they were watching a sporting event. The male, clad in a black sweatshirt unfit for Floridian weather, was the first to notice Prowl's appearance.

"Friends of yours?" he inquired, a wry grin on his face as the police cruiser jerked a little on his axels.

"How did you know?" Prowl queried, leery of where he stepped as he transformed.

"Your driver vanished into thin air once you parked," the male announced, turning back to the spectacle with a small chuckle. "I'm Aaron and this is Tina."

"Hello!" the female greeted, waving up at Prowl enthusiastically. Prowl noted that she was dressed appropriately for the weather and decided she was probably the more sensible of the two.

"Do either of you know what's going on?" he asked, kneeling down to place himself on a better level to converse with the humans.

"All I know is that I just learned eight new ways to swear," Aaron said, shrugging.

"I think the one on the ground—"Tina started.

"'Slagging Seeker glitchhead', the yellow guy said," Aaron interrupted, earning a light push from his friend.

"—he insulted the yellow one, who went berserk," she finished, looking thoughtful. "I think he's rubbing lovebugs into the face of the screaming one."

"Lovebugs?" Prowl prompted, curiously inspecting the bugs plastered to his chassis. He was surprised to find some damage done to his paint coat.

"Yeah, they're vaguely acidic bugs that start swarming around this time of year," Tina elaborated. "All they really do is have sex and ram themselves into your car." Aaron shuddered at this, looking vaguely ill.

"Not only are they violating my air with their foul insect-pornography," he growled, looking like put-upon terrier, "they've wrecked my poor car's radiator and stripped half of the paint off!"

It took Prowl all of a second to finally understand why his charges had become so spotty, what exactly Sunstreaker was grabbing from behind him, and why he was grinding his hand into Starscream's face. He sighed, opening up a channel to Teletraan-1.

_--Prowl reporting. Optimus, are you there?—_

_--Ah, Prowl, there you are,--_ Prime's voice echoed over the transmission, a soothing sound to Prowl's strained logic circuits. _--How is the mission proceeding?--_

_--Optimus, I think we may need to abort.--_

_--Abort? Why?-- _Prime's voice was flooded with concern, automatically assuming the worst. _--Have the Twins been injured? Do you need backup?--_

_--No, nothing like that,-- _Prowl assured his leader, scrambling to think of a way to explain the situation. Around his knees, the humans were shouting torture suggestions to Sunstreaker.

"Get his insignia with a few of those!"

_--There have been some…developments…--_

_--Such as?--_

"—TEACH YOU TO CALL **ME** SPOTTY, YOU SPARK OF A DEFUNCT MOTHERBOARD!!"

_--We have confirmed Starscream's presence, but there seems to be an infestation of sorts here.--_

_--By infestation, do you mean Insecticons or normal Earth bugs?--_

_--Normal Earth bugs,-- _Prowl confirmed. _--However, they have some unique biological properties.--_

_--As in?--_

"Ooh! That looks painful!"

"Aaron, quit hogging the popcorn!"

"GET **OFF**, YOU GROUNDPOUNDING FREAKSHOW!!"

_--They appear to be acidic in nature,--_ Prowl continued, starting to feel a shred of pity for the unfortunate Seeker. _--The bugs splattered on contact with our chassis and ate through the paint.—_

_--Oh no…-- _Prime groaned, realizing what Prowl was implying.

_--Indeed. Apparently Starscream though it prudent to point this out to Sunstreaker.-- _Although Prowl couldn't hear the sigh, he was positive Optimus was nursing a severe ache in his CPU at this point.

"Is he _bleeding_?!"

"Oh my god, it's purple everywhere!"

_--Alright, return to the Ark as soon as you can peel Sunstreaker off of Starscream. Prime, out.--_

Prowl ended the transmission in time to catch Starscream's finally successful attempt to throw off the yellow Lamborghini. The Decepticon Air Commander wasted no time in leaping into the air, transforming midway, and blasting off through the air as fast as he could go. Sunstreaker lay snarling in the grass, still seeing red as Prowl approached.

"Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, Optimus says we're to return to the Ark," he announced, pointedly ignoring the disappointed groan from the male human that the show had flown off.

"Really?" Sideswipe asked, hopefully through his dazed inquiry. Sunstreaker's hand twitched slightly.

"When we get back to the Ark," the Lambo ground out, voice pitching to a deadly calm level, "I want the washracks to be empty and I want the paint sprayer out and ready for when I get out of the washracks. So help me if anyone gets in my way…"

Prowl sighed, transforming with the two Lamborghinis for the drive home.

"We are never coming to Florida ever again," Sideswipe announced, shuddering on his axels as the lovebugs began to swarm around his windshield again.

"Fraggin' straight," Sunstreaker snarled.

~.~.~.~.~

Rumble had the misfortune of being on hangar bay duty when Starscream was due to return to base and he fully expected to have to put up with the arrogant Seeker's boasting over finding some kind of energy-rich source in the swamps or something of the like.

What he didn't expect to see was the normally immaculate, fussy Air Commander stagger in from the landing dock, looking as if he had been run over by a stampede of Dinobots. The paint on his facial plates was entirely stripped away, a few abrasions leaking energon, and hundreds of tiny bug carcasses were plastered all around his helm and chassis.

"Primus, what in the Pit happened to you!?" Rumble cried, pointing at the jet in abject shock. Starscream snarled wordlessly, fists clenching as his wings twitched in restrained fury. Before he could register the attack, Rumble was punted across the bay. Equilibrium chips scrambled and legs hanging in front of his face, Rumble hastily opened a transmission to Soundwave.

_--H-hey, Boss?--_

_--Proceed, Rumble.--_

_--You may want to tell everyone to avoid Starscream for a while…he's kinda pissed.--_

_--Acknowledged. Medical assistance: required?--_

_--If Hook isn't too busy--_

_--Affirmative.--_

_--Thanks, Boss.--_


End file.
